i ordered you a pancake
Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...
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bunny: I can't believe this stupid nutrition class! believe me, if I had time to make a souffl�, a layer cake, a loaf of sourdough, and a mincemeat pie, I'd have been eating much better long before these assignments. stupid stupidness with all its time-eating stupidity. vin diesel: if you want to nibble on the cake, bread, or pie, I've already filled out the lab sheets for those and they're all out on the table. walk softly, though, or else you'll make my souffl� fall. bunny: my souffl�, dear, my souffl�. you look adorable in that frilly pink apron, by the way. |
2003-09-05 // 9:28 a.m. // bunny
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selli: blech. mathieu kassovitz: how dare you miss out on sleep for two days in a row?!? you know you need lots of sleep in order to function like a normal person. you should really take better care of yourself! selli: thanks, mom, but I really just want to forget about this whole work-followed-by-all-night-party thing that's coming up at present, and just crawl back into bed. mathieu kassovitz: well, then, it's a good thing I gakked the Space-Time Continuum Machine from neil, because you're about to rewind all those sleepless, intoxicated hours and spend them asleep on my lap! selli: (snores) mathieu kassovitz: aw. that makes it all worthwhile! |
2003-09-05 // 10:17 a.m. // selli
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rufus sewell: I thought you might enjoy a re-enactment of that really hot sex scene from Unfaithful, since you love books and me, so I've set up a featherbed in your personal library. if I'm a very bad boy, will you gnaw on me as punishment? selli: you'll have to be extra-bad. rufus sewell: cross my heart and hope to beg. |
2003-09-04 // 1:30 p.m. // selli
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christian bale: you're back! I missed you so much! (picks up selli and swings her around) selli: eee! don't worry, darling, I was bound to come back and see you. you know I can't resist your big manly arms. christian bale: or my ability to have a three-course breakfast waiting on the table for you. I made pancakes, an omelette, and some croissants with provolone inside. selli: you're a man of many talents. christian bale: wait until you see what I have for your dessert. selli: bring it, bale. |
2003-09-03 // 4:00 p.m. // selli
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jonathan rhys-meyers: I went to movie gallery and tried to find a care bear bobble head pen for you, but they didn't have any cheer bears left. bunny: (gasp) I'm astonished by this shoddy level of work! normally you're so thorough! jonathan rhys-meyers: yeah, I was just kidding. the pen's on your desk, along with a jumbo box of goobers. bunny: woo! also, my car is making this funny noise... jonathan rhys-meyers: a couple of the guys are working on it now. let me take my shirt of and help them. here, I set up the comfy chair near the window so you can watch. there's a glass of lemonade and a copy of love in the time of cholera waiting on the windowsill. bunny: pancakes rock. |
2003-09-03 // 12:36 p.m. // bunny
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bunny: I feel rotten. not for any reason, really, other than I'd like to lie on the floor like a big fat pile of jiggly goop. craig bierko: that's a fantastic idea. you lie down while I fix you something delicious and wonderful to eat. I know how to magically combine ice cream and potato soup so that you get all the deliciousness of ice cream with all the comfort of potato soup. also, don't lie on the floor. it's clean, of course, but I spent all day sewing you these lovely silk pillows. see? this one's blue, like your eyes. bunny: (lying down) craig bierko: you're the prettiest big fat pile of jiggly goop I ever did see. |
2003-09-02 // 3:30 p.m. // bunny
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selli: no, orli, darling, we've been off the radar all weekend! we need to get back home and get back into the swing of things! orlando bloom: I think the swing of things can best be regained by you and me having mad sex in the hammock. selli: randy thing! we just had mad sex in the shower, and the kitchen, and the treehouse. where did you get this type of stamina? orlando bloom: do not question my abilities. just enjoy them. hammock, woman! selli: I guess the rest of the boys can wait another day... orlando bloom: you can console them tomorrow. tonight you'll be too busy trying to keep your balance. |
2003-09-02 // 10:28 a.m. // selli
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bunny: aw, man. it's only 8:45 and already this weekend is boring. gabriel byrne: rufus sewell, christian bale, and mathieu kassovitz are all wanting to put on a performance of Angels in America: Perestroika for you. I'm to join you in the audience and make sure you're pleased with the performance. bunny: zing! |
2003-08-30 // 8:45 a.m. // bunny
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bunny: hello, jonathan rhys-meyers? this is bunny, and I was feeling a bit peckish for some hot, dirty sex -- jonathan rhys-meyers: I'm on my way! bunny: excellent, I'm in the corporate library, in the southern literature section. jonathan rhys-meyers: we can finally give those faulkner novels the treatment they deserve. |
2003-08-29 // 8:05 a.m. // bunny
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selli: why is my internet so wonky?!? rufus: because all of us here in utopia have sent you emails to give you something to read at work, and we're also probably all trying to instant message you. we might be overloading the system. we just don't want you to get bored at work! selli: well, your enthusiasm makes up for whatever trouble you've caused. rufus: why don't you curl up on the couch with me, just in case there's the slightest chance of hard feelings. selli: not on my part. but--oh my, on yours... rufus: hush, darling. |
2003-08-28 // 2:05 p.m. // selli
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bunny: aw, man. my favorite barbecue place was closed for lunch. joaquin phoenix: barbecue for lunch? bunny: well, you know how much I like meat. (leers) joaquin phoenix: do I ever! which is why I hired the kitchen staff from that restaurant. they're all outside now, smoking some ribs. oh, all except for the fry chef who's in the kitchen making those spicy fries that you love so much. bunny: I love you almost as much as I love those fries. joaquin phoenix: I also hired the cleaning crew. bunny: I love those fries almost as much as I love you. |
2003-08-28 // 12:09 p.m. // bunny
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