i ordered you a pancake

Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...

selli: what's that you've got there? matt damon: bunny asked me to make her a milkshake while she went to check on jonathan. it's... huh, that's funny. selli: strawberry milk! matt damon: hey, what are you--no, wait, that's for bunny! selli: (slurp slurp) matt damon: you're a very naughty girl. selli: yes, but now I taste like strawberries. matt damon: do you? get over here and let me check. selli: do you hear radiohead?

2003-09-10 // 12:37 p.m. // selli

bunny: boy, I could really use a chocolate -- (looks around) hey! where did my milkshake go? matt damon, you are in so much trouble! wil wheaton: (hands bunny a milkshake) there you go. bunny: wha -- ? wil wheaton: I reversed the polarity of the Space-Time Continuum Machine so that matt damon would be stuck in a time loop until exactly 12:37 pm today, by my watch of course. then I switched out a glass of strawberry milk for the chocolate milkshake. selli loves strawberry milk, so it's a win-win situation. bunny: that's very thoughtful of you. you know what else is thoughtful? wil wheaton: turning up the volume on this radiohead cd I got for you while you enjoy that tasty and delicious milkshake? bunny: you really are the smartest boy ever.

2003-09-10 // 11:06 a.m. // bunny

	selli: what's that you've got there? matt damon: bunny asked me to make her a milkshake while she went to check on jonathan. it's chocolate! selli: it looks very delicious... matt damon: hey, what are you--no, wait, that's for bunny! selli: (slurp slurp) matt damon: you're a very naughty girl. selli: yes, but now I taste like chocolate. matt damon: do you? get over here and let me check.

2003-09-10 // 12:36 p.m. // selli

bunny: ah, Pancake Utopia. could any place be better? matt damon: I think not. after all, you're not anywhere but here. bunny: excellent point. I am here at all times. mentally, anyway. oh, could you tell my annoying neighbor to please stop yelling through the walls? matt damon: silly bunny, didn't you just say that this is Pancake Utopia? you don't have any neighbors! just a giant pillow-filled luxury home isolated on a small tropical island. bunny: how come you know all this stuff and you've only been here for barely a week? matt damon: I'm very observant! and I tied jonathan rhys-meyers to a chair and interrogated him. bunny: jonathan rhys-meyers is tied to a chair? um, I'll be right back. matt damon: ok. I'll have a milkshake ready for you when you get back!

2003-09-10 // 8:16 a.m. // bunny

sean patrick flanery: I heard that vin diesel had to go to the emergency room this morning. selli: yeah, apparently he wasn't feeling well. sean patrick flanery: they said he suffered third degree burns from your hotness! selli: well, I figured he could handle it. he's a big guy after all. sean patrick flanery: nah, you have to have a little superhero in you to be able to withstand the intensity of long periods of time with someone as achingly hot as you. selli: and just what are your qualifications? sean patrick flanery: have you seen Boondock Saints? selli: point taken. get that shirt off and let's see how much of me you can stand!

2003-09-09 // 4:53 p.m. // selli

vin diesel: (turns back the sheets and crawls into selli's bed) hey there. I heard you were having a rough day, so I brought some cookie dough that I engineered to actually burn calories while you eat it. selli: you're the best! vin diesel: just wanted to make sure you're happy. and in keeping with that theme, I've decided to sing Tom Waits songs while you fall asleep on my chest. selli: what, no randy sex? vin diesel: that'll be breakfast. I hear screaming orgasms go well with pancakes.

2003-09-09 // 12:56 p.m. // selli

bunny: wow, that's a lot of laundry to do. I have no towels, no shirts, no pants, and no underwear other than what I've got on. orlando bloom: not to worry. let's just chuck all your old stuff and buy everything new. bunny: but I'm in my underwear. and nothing else. orlando bloom: which is just how I like you! here, we can share my pants. hop on in. bunny: if I get in your pants, we're not going to make it to the shops. orlando bloom: who cares? I had jonathan rhys-meyers buy everything while you were napping anyway.

2003-09-09 // 9:34 a.m. // bunny

	jonathan rhys-meyers: I think you should skip your workout today and take a nap in the sunshine with me instead. your abs are already perfect anyway. bunny: I dunno... jonathan rhys-meyers: here, take your shirt off and I'll check your tummy. just to be sure.

2003-09-08 // 6:15 p.m. // bunny

christian bale: I saw matt damon passed out on the sundeck... when did he get here? selli: (innocent eyelash batting) I'm not really sure. probably sometime last night, I was sleeping peacefully in the sleigh bed and couldn't possibly tell you. christian bale: oh, really? is that why he smells like your shampoo? selli: your muscles are so much more impressive when they're tense with jealousy. christian bale: okay, you're forgiven. now, why don't I give you a manicure to prove my love? selli: nothing says "heartfelt sentiment" like a cuticle soak.

2003-09-08 // 3:16 p.m. // selli

orlando bloom: hey, lady, I saw you shakin' that thing on the dance floor! bunny: yeah, at 4am maybe, but it's almost noon now. you're a little late if you're looking for a piece of the action. orlando bloom: you mean if I put on the timo maas remix of "don't make me come to vegas" you won't shimmy? at all? bunny: if I do, will you fix me a milkshake with that yummy chocolate sauce you make on the stove? orlando bloom: well, I was gonna do that anyway. but I'll throw in some crepes, just for you. bunny: woo! turn it up!

2003-09-07 // 11:52 a.m. // bunny

matt damon: (crawls in through the window, covered in dirt and sweat and looking all manly) selli: matt! what the hell is going on? matt damon: oh, man, it's vicious out there. I've been trying to get to you ever since I heard about Pancake Utopia, but I was cornered by my fan club and forced to take the long way around. selli: the long way around? I didn't know there was a backdoor! matt damon: it involves trekking through the wilderness of Morocco and some close calls with pit traps of fourteen year old girls. but I have persevered, knowing that my own little Utopia lay right here waiting for me. selli: you've been through such an ordeal. lemme get those dirty fatigues off you and we'll make sure you're scrubbed completely clean. do you mind if I shampoo your hair for you? matt damon: do you mind if I reward you with sex? selli: sounds like an even trade. I'll get the Thermasilk.

2003-09-07 // 11:01 a.m. // selli

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