i ordered you a pancake
Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...
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sean patrick flanery: hey, are you feeling ok? you look a little bit...green. bunny: yeah, I'm fine. except that I kinda sorta wanna vomit. sean patrick flanery: aw! here, let me hold your hair back for you. bunny: thanks. um, when I finish throwing up will you make me some soup? sean patrick flanery: yes, and I'll make sure to be naked while I take care of you. my incredible hotness is sure to make you feel better faster. bunny: it sure is. rrr. |
2003-09-19 // 4:02 p.m. // bunny
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selli: I need to paint my apartment. these white walls are getting
annoying. jonathan rhys-meyers: why don't you sit right here in this new overstuffed recliner and drink some of this chai. I'll go round up vin diesel and christian bale, and the three of us will take care of this painting business while you watch. you want us to leave our shirts on? selli: oh, no, I wouldn't want you to get paint on them. jonathan rhys-meyers: you're so thoughtful! just for that, I'm gonna get orlando to come over and massage your hands. selli: so long as I can reach my chai. |
2003-09-19 // 7:37 a.m. // selli
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vin diesel: you look tense. why don't we head into the city and I take you to a spa. how does a nice shiatsu massage and a seaweed body wrap sound? selli: it sounds exactly like that noise in the back of your throat when I do this... vin diesel: hey, whoa, watch the hands there. let's get you taken care of first, and then we'll worry about the wild monkey sex. selli: vin, you're like a big, meaty, perfect pancake. vin diesel: yes. yes I am. |
2003-09-18 // 4:12 p.m. // selli
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christian bale: woah, look at you. did you go on another three-day bender? bunny: it feels just about like that. no, I actually did triple duty on photography. christian bale: well, do you feel up for quadruple duty? because me, flanery, and johnny were hoping to take some dirty, dirty pictures with you. bunny: awesome, make sure you set up the nice camera. |
2003-09-18 // 12:31 p.m. // bunny
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wil wheaton: why is it that all the pancake boys get to be sexy except for me? uncle willie wants a little lovin' too! selli: did you just call yourself uncle willie? wil wheaton: yeah, well... I mean, that's what I use on my website and... hey! don't tease me! I'm serious! selli: seriously adorable. tell you what, uncle willie -- you go wake up jonathan rhys-meyers and get him to finish my laundry and I'll show you what a sexy beast I think you are. wil wheaton: score! hey, jonny, get the Tide! |
2003-09-16 // 3:09 p.m. // selli
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jonathan rhys-meyers: you're back! you were in that meeting for fifty years, it felt like. bunny: more like fifty minutes, but you're close enough. do you have any pancakes? I'm starving! jonathan rhys-meyers: actually, I made chocolate crepes with chocolate mousse filling and a gran marnier sauce. but I can throw them out and make you some banana pancakes instead, if you like. bunny: I think I can suffer through the crepes, actually. guess what I found out in the meeting today. jonathan rhys-meyers: that you are a total and complete goddess and you make my knees quiver? bunny: that too. no, apparently I'm a creative type. jonathan rhys-meyers: well, yeah. I mean, some of the stuff we did last night I've never heard of or seen before. that went beyond creative. bunny: I just like to stay entertained is all. |
2003-09-16 // 1:34 p.m. // bunny
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christian bale: can I give you a hug? selli: yes! |
2003-09-15 // 5:50 p.m. // selli
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sean patrick flanery: would you like some nachos? because I got these nachos at your favourite restaurant, but I'm not hungry anymore. selli: I think I could go for some nachos. you're the best! sean patrick flanery: would you like to have your hair shampooed? because I got this shampoo at your favourite salon-- selli: how many things do you have in that bag? sean patrick flanery: uh, I've got the nachos and shampoo, plus velvet socks, new eyeliner, one of those super-soft stuffed manitees from Toys R Us, an original Monet with a nice gilded frame... selli: you bought that stuff for me, didn't you? sean patrick flanery: yes. you're so smart! how did you get so smart? selli: all the scalp massages. sean patrick flanery: then why don't you lay in the jacuzzi and let me increase your IQ? |
2003-09-15 // 4:14 p.m. // selli
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vin diesel: why are you sitting there with that glazed look in your eyes? bunny: well, I was planning to read these handouts while the tv was on mute, since I have all those bizarre study habits -- vin diesel: like using wild monkey sex to stay awake instead of mountain dew. bunny: right. so I was reading these handouts when I remembered that this is Pancake Utopia, and I can get cable tv in Pancake Utopia. and surely there's a classic 80's movie on cable tv right now. but I can't find the remote, nor can I get up to change the channel, since my foot's alseep thanks to this incredibly intricate position I decided to sit in -- hey, don't give me that look -- and then I started thinking about how awesome it would be if I had some creme brulee right now. and then, the glazed-over eyes. vin diesel: guess who loves you and can read your mind and fulfill your every whim. bunny: vin diesel loves me and can read my mind and fulfill my every whim? vin diesel: bingo. I made the custard last night and it's been chilling in the fridge. I'm going to go blow torch the sugar crust right now. bunny: fuckin' a. oh, and don't forget your apron! and I need a foot rub! |
2003-09-15 // 12:58 p.m. // bunny
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selli: orlando, um. I know that you're all skinny and lithe and hot, but is there a particular reason you're dressed up like Robert Plant at the height of his career? orlando bloom: I thought I could serenade you with Dazed and Confused. It worked for Cave In, and I'm much more sexy than Steve Brodsky. selli: aw, how cute! you're jealous of my favourite band! orlando bloom: I'll admit it. I just wanted to impress you and command all of your time. selli: I can go for that. you might want to take off the neck-scarf though. orlando bloom: if you'll take off those silly work clothes. selli: you, sir, have a deal! |
2003-09-15 // 10:18 a.m. // selli
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