i ordered you a pancake

Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...

joaquin phoenix: hey, do you love cheese as much as I do? bunny: that depends on how much you love cheese. I'm a pretty big fan of cheese, but I'm not going to walk it down the aisle anytime soon. joaquin phoenix: well, I love cheese. only about a tenth as much as I love you, but I still love it. and I imported some for us to taste. so if you'll just take off all your clothes and here's a lovely silk robe for you and drape yourself on that velvet lounge there... bunny: I think I might love cheese, if this is the sort of behavior it inspires.

2003-10-02 // 12:07 p.m. // bunny

daniel day-lewis: hey, why the long face? selli: I'm just bored, and I really want it to be sunny and beautiful outside instead of all cold. daniel day-lewis: well then, it's a damn good thing you live in utopia! now, why don't we go out to the park and play hide-and-go-seek? selli: awesome! I love that game! I get to hide first, though. daniel day-lewis: I will find you. selli: heh. walked right into that one.

2003-10-02 // 10:22 a.m. // selli

dominic west: I got a telegram saying there was a distinct lack of sexy accents in Pancake Utopia, and have come to remedy the situation. (matthieu kassovitz, gabriel byrne, orlando bloom, and jason statham all pipe up): hey, but... selli: (stuffs them all in the linen closet) um, yes, actually, just a whole bunch of regular old un-sexy Americans hanging around here. I guess I never noticed the lack of hot-and-sexy accentage until you came along and started talking! now, why don't we go out to the jacuzzi? dominic west: strange. I wonder who sent the telegram then? selli: (innocent face) can't imagine. I'll be sure to ask bunny next time I see her, though. oh, hey, why don't we have ol' matt damon bring us some cheese blintzes while we soak? dominic west: dash clever! lemme get out of this ultra-sexy suit. closet: (mumble mumble)

2003-10-01 // 1:16 p.m. // selli

	craig bierko: I know how much you hate photography days, and that you have a ton of garden copy to write, so... (spins around) check it out! I made a hat out of mushrooms and string! bunny: hee! you're adorable! and maybe a little bit smelly, too. craig bierko: watch out, or I will throw you in the pool! bunny: ok, but take off that hat first. smelly!

2003-10-01 // 9:40 a.m. // bunny

	bunny: wow, I can't believe how much work I didn't do today. I might actually be in trouble, I've non-done so much work. michael vartan: why don't you send someone else, jonathan rhys-meyers maybe, to go do all your work tonight? in the meantime, I'll lie here by the pool, all half-naked and sweaty. bunny: ooh, pretty!

2003-09-30 // 4:41 p.m. // bunny

matt damon: I was wondering you'd like to go to the park today. I packed a picnic lunch of brie, triscuits, croissants, and marmalade. I also have a few crates of wine which I will strap to my back and carry just for you. selli: certainly! we can go lounge in the meadow and be set upon by packs of adorable kittens. do kittens like brie? matt damon: what pancake-loving creature doesn't like brie? selli: my thoughts exactly. now, let me put sunscreen on you to protect your delicious skin. matt damon: good idea. you're so thoughtful! and just to be sure I don't get tan lines, I'll do the lounging sans-clothes. selli: brilliant!

2003-09-29 // 2:59 p.m. // selli

	bunny: oh, look at you. you're quite burly. jason statham: yes, and I can do any heavy lifting you need! bunny: do I count as heavy lifting? jason statham: do you ever! hey, look -- I can wrap just one of my big, burly hands around your waist! I am gigantic and gorgeous. bunny: are you still talking? make with the lifting!

2003-09-29 // 8:54 a.m. // bunny

	sean patrick flanery: hey! did you watch the game? bunny: that was a game? you were rolling around in the mud with johnny rhys-meyers and christian bale. were there rules to that? sean patrick flanery: oh, um. do you want us to not do it anymore? bunny: absolutely not. just next time take off your shirts first, k? sean patrick flanery: yes ma'am!

2003-09-27 // 4:45 p.m. // bunny

wil wheaton: what's wrong? why are you screeching in agony? selli: this stupid keyboard at work is all wonky. the enter key keeps randomly pressing itself, so halfway through a memo I'll look up and be on page 30. wil wheaton: it's a good thing I brought this brand new, waterproof, royal blue keyboard with cappuchino dispenser. I was just gonna throw it away. selli: darling, you never throw away something that makes cappuchino. wil wheaton: oh, right. so, shall we leave these memos for jonathan rhys-meyers to do and go have curry chicken at that little place next to the bookstore? selli: the answer to that question is yes!

2003-09-26 // 2:27 p.m. // selli

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