i ordered you a pancake
Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...
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michael vartan: so it's good? selli: (munching on brie and raspberry jam) mmph. michael vartan: rad! I'll go put the salad together, and then get the steaks on the grill. do you want a steak the size of your head, or slightly larger? selli: muh-phum. michael vartan: for you? anything! |
2003-10-23 // 4:24 p.m. // selli
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daniel day-lewis: I finished cleaning out your fridge! selli: sweet mary, I didn't think anyone could do that. it was building it's own ecosystem in there. daniel day-lewis: yeah, the simple vertebrates put up a good fight, but I got the protazoa on my side and we took care of things. then I wiped them out with some super-concentrated cleaning agent I made in the sink. selli: wait, so does that mean that the fridge is empty? daniel day-lewis: of course not! michael vartan is at the market right now. and yes--he's got his Thinking Cap on. selli: mmm... brie for me! |
2003-10-23 // 2:37 p.m. // selli
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jason statham: wake up, sleepyhead! selli: grrh. no. jason statham: oh, okay. I guess I'll have to eat these crepes all by myself... selli: or you could bring them over here and fork them into my mouth. jason statham: that's the laziest thing I've ever heard. and the cutest! lemme get some napkins. |
2003-10-23 // 10:22 a.m. // selli
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dominic west: I was thinking maybe we could have dinner together tonight? selli: that sounds excellent! I was in the mood for some delicious thai food. think we can scrounge some of that up? dominic west: are you kidding? I have a degree in culinary arts. I can make anything your adorable little heart desires. selli: awesome. bring on the khao tam kung! |
2003-10-22 // 2:57 p.m. // selli
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selli: what the hell are you wearing? craig bierko: oh, um. I was just trying to figure out what I wanted to be for halloween this year. at first I thought maybe an astronaut, or a dinosaur suit would be cool too. selli: I think you would look awfully good in a loincloth. craig bierko: really? not a bad idea. hey, wait, I have a better idea! why don't you dress as a famous celebrity, and then I'll get all the pancake boys to wear the hottest Armani suit they can find, and we'll all play your bodyguards! selli: I do love a man in a well cut suit, but that costume doesn't have nearly enough nekkid bierko action. I wanna see the venus girdle! craig bierko: well then, why don't we just lock ourselves in your bedroom until thanksgiving and see how many ways I can undress you? selli: I've got a hundred pairs of panties with your name on them. |
2003-10-21 // 4:41 p.m. // selli
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michael vartan: here, I made you a sandwich. bunny: what? this isn't even bread. where's your Thinking Cap? michael vartan: oh, it must have gotten wedged under the couch cushions while I was napping. I'll go get it. bunny: (waits) michael vartain: (wearing a charming hat) I can't believe I did that. give me that horrible thing in your hand. I think I might need a hazmat suit for that. look, I'm going outside to build you a greenhouse. I'm going to have alfalfa sproud for you in a sec, and then I'm going to make you turkey sandwich with guacamole, sprouts, and fresh tomato slices. and it's going on a croissant. I'm making the croissant. I'm going to france for the croissant. bunny: woah, hey, don't strain anything. or, if you do, I've got that raspberry massage oil in my room... michael vartan: I'm so straining something. after your sandwich. |
2003-10-21 // 12:25 p.m. // bunny
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mathieu kassovitz: so is there a reason you're walking around with no shirt on? bunny: I was just going to my bedroom is all. the onset of this nasty cold weather has made my tummy dry, and I was going to moisturize. mathieu kassovitz: mon pied gauche! sometimes I think you forget where you are. give me the cocoa butter. bunny: but you -- mathieu kassovitz: give it here! bunny: -- greasy hands -- mathieu kassovtiz: cherie, give me the lotion. (purrs) it will be worth your while. bunny: ma bont�. let's go. |
2003-10-20 // 11:13 p.m. // bunny
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joaquin pheonix: gah! you're back! where on earth have you been?!? selli: calm down hon. I just had to go back to the real world for a few days. apparently they needed me to come fight off alien ninjas, or something equally important. joaquin pheonix: but I needed you here! yesterday I went down to the Silk Sash to buy you some sexy underwear, and I couldn't decide what color to get you, so I called to ask which colors you wanted, but you weren't here, and then I started to hyperventilate, and then-- selli: whoa, darling, breathe. it's okay. I'm here now! and I'll love whatever color underwear you happened to buy. joaquin pheonix: (deep breath) well, like I said, I couldn't decide, so I just bought one of each. selli: jebus! how many pairs is that? joaquin pheonix: less than a hundred, I think. selli: I suppose I'll have to try them all on just to be sure I like them. care to watch? joaquin pheonix: you are never, ever allowed to leave again! |
2003-10-20 // 4:49 p.m. // selli
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jason statham: what's that god awful smell? bunny: aw, man! that's the baked grits I was making for lab -- they must have overcooked. dammit! jason statham: I'm not afraid of your bloody oven. I'm going in there and smashing it and that casserole dish to tiny measly bits. bunny: right on! but leave the oven in tact, ok? I have to make napoleons later. |
2003-10-19 // 4:47 p.m. // bunny
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bunny: it's cold outside. which is bad. dominic west: I put your sleeping bag in front of the fireplace earlier. it's all toasty warm by now. there's a fire going and all the lights are out -- want to get in the sleeping bag with me? bunny: yes, and with bear hugs, please! |
2003-10-17 // 3:19 p.m. // bunny
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bunny: can you believe it? all I did yesterday was watch movies, and now my ankle feels like andre the giant stepped on it. and by "stepped" I mean "jumped." daniel day-lewis: did someone hurt you? I can't believe it -- that's unacceptable! I'll avenge you! bunny: yeah, can we focus? (points to self) my foot hurts. daniel day-lewis: right, sorry. relax and lie down. I'm going to ice your ankle and kiss your adorable little toes. and I think a leg rub is in order. bunny: yes, and lu cookies are in order, too. |
2003-10-17 // 9:18 a.m. // bunny
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