i ordered you a pancake
Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...
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bunny: blech! this poppyseed muffin tastes awful! michael vartan: that's because you're eating a wad of paper, not a muffin. bunny: I am? oh. um, I'll just put that down now. michael vartan: do you need to borrow my Thinking Cap? bunny: yeah, I think so. or I could just lie on the sofa and let you feed me truffles. or poudcake. or whatever. michael vartan: you don't need a Thinking Cap -- you're already so darned smart! |
2003-11-12 // 9:20 a.m. // bunny
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jonathan rhys-meyers: crap on a cracker, what are you doing?!? selli: um, sticking my head in the oven. jonathan rhys-meyers: no, stop it! why in the world would you do that? selli: to alleviate all the pain in my skull, and so that I never have to go back to work and look at another spreadsheet. now, turn up the dial a bit, will you? that's a dear. jonathan rhys-meyers: no, no, no! get out of there, you silly sexpot. why don't you just not go back to work? selli: because I have rent and bills and plane tickets to pay off and the new phone and -- jonathan rhys-meyers: okay, all right, not working is a non-option. why don't you just give all the work to me? I can have it done in about a nanosecond. there, look, I did it all already! selli: but. how did you...? ohmigod, johnny you've been gone so long I forgot you were the Work Pancake around here! jonathan rhys-meyers: and I am never leaving again. now, move your big head and let me put this apple pie in there. you go lay down in the jacuzzi and wait for me to come wash that gas smell out of your hair. selli: sometimes I forget how nice a fantasy world can really be! jonathan rhys-meyers: (leers) well, if you want fantasy... |
2003-11-11 // 6:48 p.m. // selli
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gabriel byrne: I'm an avocado farmer. bunny: huh? gabriel byrne: I know how much you like avocado on your club sandwiches, so I've decided to become an avocado farmer. bunny: doesn't avocado require a tropical climate? gabriel bryne: you're so smart! yes, it does, and since this is Pancake Utopia, where all climates are simultaneously accessible, that's no problem! bunny: you're the strangest, most avocadoriffic irishman I've ever met. |
2003-11-10 // 9:43 a.m. // bunny
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vin diesel: dude where have you been? bunny: oh, I got stuck in that tunnel. it wasn't too bad -- I now know for a fact that muddy, dirty sex with jonathan rhys-meyers can be a lovely thing. but it took forever for him to get us out of there. vin diesel: I was really worried, because I made chocolate crepes, and then this storm front moved in, and you were gone, and there was lightening, and -- bunny: I'm sorry, did you say chocolate crepes? vin diesel: yes. with white chocolate mousse filling and a grand marnier sauce. bunny: do you mind if I sit at the table all muddy? vin diesel: it's a non-issue, as I'm about to be scrubbing you clean in the shower. bunny: awesome. it's naked time! |
2003-11-07 // 2:02 p.m. // bunny
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paul rudd: I know you don't usually let one pancake take up all your time, because you're such a philanthropist, but I made you some chocolate chip cookie dough and bought a copy of Rushmore, and am going on the assumption that those things will be enough to bribe you into spending more time with me. selli: and if they're not enough? paul rudd: then I was going to suggest we eat and watch movie while curled up together in the hammock outside, since the weather here in Utopia is so balmy. and that I'd be wearing nothing but these sexy syrup-logoed boxers you bought me. selli: a mostly naked paul feeding me cookie dough while I watch my favourite movie? I think that'll do. |
2003-11-06 // 5:09 p.m. // selli
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mysterious hott voice: when's the last time someone told you how sexy you are? selli: um, 1992. hey, wait a minute. who...? paul rudd: (jumps out from under the bed) surprise! selli: gah. so... beautiful. I think I just had a little death. paul rudd: well, you'll be having a lot of those now that I'm here. I hope you took your vitamins? selli: (stares) paul rudd: don't worry, I hear a few hours of slow sex is a guaranteed cure for shock. |
2003-11-05 // 11:40 a.m. // selli
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jonathan rhys-meyers: come here, I want to show you something. bunny: what? wait, this is -- this is a hole in the ground! jonathan rhys-meyers: no, it's way better than that. although getting muddy and making out with you in a hole in the ground would be pretty cool. bunny: well, when you put it like that, yeah. so what is it? jonathan rhys-meyers: it's a tunnel to memphis. bunny: you can tunnel to memphis from here? how? (pause) and why? um, not that I have anything against memphis. and, wait a second, why didn't anybody tell me you were doing manual labor? I wanted to see that! jonathan rhys-meyers: oops, sorry about that. if I ever dig another tunnel, I'll be sure to set up a lounge chair on the porch first. but, yeah, tunnel to memphis. so I can take you on a date! bunny: ooh, date! I thought those maybe were extinct. jonathan rhys-meyers: not as long as I'm around, sex kitten. come on, we're going for barbecue and then to a jazz club. I had gene kelly teach me how to dance before he left. bunny: this is the most awesome monday ever! |
2003-11-03 // 3:41 p.m. // bunny
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bunny: unngh. my head hurts. michael vartan: here, have some magical anti-hangover toast. bunny: mmm, that's amazing! michael vartan: I made the jam myself. |
2003-11-01 // 4:03 p.m. // bunny
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