i ordered you a pancake
Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...
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bunny: am I in black and white or something? because I feel totally blah today. matthieu kassovitz: is "blah" even a word? I don't think that's a word. bunny: what do you know, frenchie? go, I don't know, make some cheese. matthieu kassovitz: actually, I did just make a grilled cheese sandwich for you. bunny: seriously? you're like an awesome, sexy, grammar-checking, cheese-grilling rockstar. |
2003-12-08 // 3:42 p.m. // bunny
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selli: urrrrk. vin diesel: here, drink this. it'll make the hangover go away. selli: wow. holy matchsticks, I feel amazingly perfect! what is this? vin diesel: it's a magic elixir I made out of apple juice, starlight, and jellybeans. cures all ills. selli: I didn't know you were an alchemist! that's extra sexy in my book. (swigs) it is a little chewy towards the bottom. vin diesel: (snickers) selli: okay, that? not so much with the sexy. vin diesel: why don't I get naked? selli: I've been wondering that myself! |
2003-12-08 // 3:37 p.m. // selli
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matthieu kassovitz: was that your tummy rumbling, or did you just growl at me? bunny: if I say that I growled at you, will you carry me off to the bedroom for some raunchy antics? matthieu kassovitz: absolument. bunny: that was totally a growl, baby. grrr! |
2003-12-05 // 5:00 p.m. // bunny
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dominic west: are you ready, darling? selli: (crawls out of bed) ready for what? dominic west: I borrowed the helicopter and arranged for a private flight over Manhattan, then we'll take in a showing of Wicked and follow it up with steak at Dylan's. didn't you get my voicemail? selli: I have a phone? dominic west: you're still drunk, aren't you love? no worries, just go hop in the shower and I'll lay out your gown. by the time you get out and dressed, your cookies-and-cream milkshake should be ready. selli: works for me! see if you can find craig bierko -- I don't feel like washing my own hair tonight. dominic west: he's already running the bath. selli: (in sing-song) pan-cakes are awe-some... |
2003-12-05 // 12:24 p.m. // selli
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selli: (comes in at 4am, rip-roaring drunk) rufus sewell: ah, there's my girl! have fun? selli: (mumbles and falls on the couch) rufus sewell: ah, I told those boys they had no chance of beating you at billards. now, I have a nice juicy steak on the grill and some delicious garlic-and-sour-cream mashed potatoes to go with it. why don't you lay right there, and I'll come fork it into your beautiful mouth? selli: I think I might love you. |
2003-12-04 // 10:14 a.m. // selli
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dominic west: hey, fidipur. bunny: did you just call me "fidipur"? stop reading those sci-fi novels under my bed. no, wait, stop making fun of my appetite. then stop reading those sci-fi novels under my bead. yeah! dominic west: aw, but I think it's lovely the way you eat an entire box of kraft family dinner. believe me, I have no complains about your...appetite. (leers) bunny: heh, you are in so much trouble. um, after I finish my breakfast, though... |
2003-12-04 // 8:53 a.m. // bunny
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craig bierko: how was that working lunch you had today? bunny: booooo. craig bierko: that good, huh? then lucky you who gets to eat that lobster bisque I've just made. bunny: no way! and you're just sittin' there and readin' the paper like you haven't done a thing all day. but, actually, you've been cooking! whee! craig bierko: uh-oh, do I need to watch out for my extremeties? it's usually a sign of dire hunger when you're this excited about food. bunny: aw, baby, I'm always excited about food! craig bierko: right. steer some of that excitement towards the bedroom once you've eaten something and my shoulder isn't in danger of being chewed. oh, and there's garlic bread in the oven, too. |
2003-12-03 // 3:39 p.m. // bunny
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neil patrick harris: (covers selli's eyes) guess who's back? selli: my favorite pancake in all of utopia? neil patrick harris: you're damn skippy! selli: get over here and let me smother you in sexy kisses! where have you been? neil patrick harris: I had to take a few months off to present the Space-Time Continuum blueprints to the Nobel Prize committee. they think I have a pretty good shot at the prize. selli: I'd say! that machine is awesome. have you ever had a problem with paradox? neil patrick harris: I did when the result would have been icky. however, when the results would cause you great happiness, there's never been a problem. like now for instance. selli: now? neil patrick harris: the me of tomorrow has used the machine to travel back to today, so you can have a hot harris sex sandwich. selli: technology is wonderous. to the bedroom! |
2003-12-02 // 11:33 a.m. // selli
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christian bale: wow, were we really locked in your bedroom for six days? bunny: yep! christian bale: will that happen often? bunny: every major holiday. and maybe some long weekends. christian bale: awesome!! |
2003-12-02 // 9:34 a.m. // bunny
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selli: (indeciperable whining) vin diesel: didn't I tell you not to go anywhere for Thanksgiving? selli: shut up, Mister I Told You So. vin diesel: I'm sorry. that was completely inappropriate. why don't you curl up in the bed with me and I'll make everything okay? selli: why don't you just leave me with a pint of ice cream and go beat the hell out of my adversaries for me? vin diesel: (flexes) done and done! selli: something with lots of chocolate, and also pain. |
2003-12-01 // 9:44 a.m. // selli
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christian bale: if I dress up like a turkey, will you pluck me? bunny: huh? what? is there some kind of bad joke contest going on? christian bale: um, no. I just thought it would be fun to wear nothing but strategically placed feathers and do a little turkey dance for you. bunny: hee! oh, wow, that would be awesome. yes, bring it on, bale. |
2003-11-26 // 12:52 p.m. // bunny
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