pancake
i ordered you a pancake
One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...
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selli: grah! 'tis the season, you lazy pancakes! I'm totally feeling the holiday spirit, and everyone else is all angsty and whiney. it's CHRISTMAS!!! Be merry!
christian bale: (walks in wearing only a strategically placed gift bow)
selli: sweet virgin mary... yeah, that's a bit more like it!
christian bale: why don't you come over here and feel the holiday spirit? (leers)
selli: oh, ow. that's bad.
christian bale: c'mon, don't you wanna unwrap your present and play with your new toy?
selli: ow, no stop! you're not allowed to talk any more. what is it with you and bad holiday jokes?
christian bale: there's some duct tape in the garage.
selli: now see? you should always be so helpful! |
2003-12-26 // 12:45 p.m. // selli
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selli: stupid work, making me be here on stupid christmas eve, staring at my stupid computer with nothing to do. aurgh!
neil patrick harris: hey, thought you might be going stir-crazy so I brought over an othello board. wanna play a few rounds?
selli: have I mentioned lately that you're my most favoritest pancake in the entire world?
neil patrick harris: real world or fantasy world?
selli: both.
neil patrick harris: kickass. for that, we'll modify the rules slighty to enable the little known "strip othello" version. |
2003-12-24 // 12:59 p.m. // selli
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mathieu kassovitz: you are up way, way too late. bunny: I know, it's absolutely awful. it's that evil cold I've got. I'll be totally useless tomorrow. mathieu kassovitz: not to worry, I have made for you a magical concotion that combines all the dessert sweetedness of ice cream, the cough suppressedness of a hot toddy, and the sleep inducedness of warm milk into one amazing super drink. bunny: mmm, tastes like panacea! wanna climb under the covers with me and be appalled at how freakishly cold my feet are? mathieu kassovitz: I love your cold feet, cherie. |
2003-12-24 // 2:13 a.m. // bunny
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craig bierko: and just what do you think you're doing?
selli: (looks very guilty) um... I was just...
craig bierko: yes?
selli: eating an entire chocolate santa in one sitting. (pouts)
craig bierko: that has got to be the sexiest thing I've heard all month. get over here and give me chocolate kisses! |
2003-12-23 // 12:49 p.m. // selli
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bunny: oh, ew. what is in that bucket? dominic west: this is the dirty water left from me mopping your floors. bunny: aw, you mopped! I love you. dominic west: what? no hug? bunny: no, keep that nasty, nasty water away from me. dominic west: hey, if you want nasty... (leers) bunny: we are not going to play "what's grosser than gross" again. dominic west: aw, man! |
2003-12-20 // 9:14 p.m. // bunny
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vin diesel: hey, christmas cocktails!
selli: hsst! how did you get in here? this is a family holiday party!
vin diesel: hey, don't worry about it. I brought a present for your mom.
selli: a sports car?
vin diesel: yeah, I didn't know if she'd want red or green, so I got one of each. I figure you can take the other one.
selli: if they ask, tell them you're proposing on New Years. |
2003-12-20 // 9:39 a.m. // selli
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craig bierko: you know how you're about to go on a long road trip? bunny: um, yeah? craig bierko: well, I have something for you to make the drive a little less boring. it's a life-sized craig bierko doll! bunny: wow. wow! craig bierko: I sewed it myself. out of your old dishrags. and filled it with spices -- not lavendar, since I know you're allergic. bunny: that's very thoughtful! kind of scary, but you're cute, so it's ok. craig bierko: if you squeeze its hand, it'll say things to you. check it out -- craig bierko doll: you're very pretty! I don't think your morning breath is bad! I love your hair today! bunny: cree. pee. |
2003-12-19 // 5:16 p.m. // bunny
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selli: grah! too much energy!
dominic west: whatever are you on about?
selli: it's time for christmas and I just put up my tree and opened my office presents and ate a bunch of sugary cookies and --
dominic west: whoa, slow down there.
selli: I can't! I have to keep moving or my bloodstream will revolt.
dominic west: then let's see if we can find a more productive way to burn off all that extra energy.
selli: game of tag?
dominic west: you're it! |
2003-12-19 // 4:18 p.m. // selli
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christian bale: I made you a christmas present. here, open it. bunny: aw, you're so sweet! I wasn't expecti-- erm. huh. this is a jar of barbecue sauce. an opened jar of barbecue sauce. christian bale: um, yeah, well, I had to test it, you know? now open the other one! bunny: a paint brush? christian bale: ma'am, please consider me your canvas! bunny: best. christmas. present. ever. |
2003-12-18 // 3:41 p.m. // bunny
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rufus sewell: hey there, little love. where have you been hiding?
selli: oh, just had a few things to do. you know, somewhere else. that wasn't here.
rufus sewell: uh huh. and why do you smell like horse?
selli: heh, yeah, that crazy rohirrim.
rufus sewell: ro-who?
selli: oh, hey look at this plate of cookies I made for you.
rufus sewell: brilliant! how did you know I was hungry?
selli: it's a gift. when you're finished eating, I'll be in the pool.
rufus sewell: (shoves a fistful of cookies in his mouth) mrrrph beh neeh rrarh! |
2003-12-18 // 3:17 p.m. // selli
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