i ordered you a pancake

Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...

rufus sewell: what are you doing? selli: running around in my underwear. rufus sewell: that didn't look much like running. selli: well, I was running for a while, and then "walk like an egyptian" came on the radio, so I started dancing around. a little. quietly. rufus sewell: and a brilliant sight that was. I'll just hit repeat and join you then. selli: all the kids in the marketplace say way-oh-way-oh-way-ooo-aaa-ooo...

2004-01-26 // 5:09 p.m. // selli

vin diesel: I've decided to take up bullfighting. bunny: ...wow. what an... interesting choice of pastime. been reading much hemingway lately? vin diesel: funny, you. I think it would be great practice for me if I pretended to be the bull and charged you! bunny: you just make less and less sense as the day goes on, you know. fine, let me go find some swords. vin diesel: wait, what? I said bullfighting, not sword fighting. bunny: yeah, there are actually swords involved in bullfighting. lots of them, even. um, you realize that the bull dies, don't you? vin diesel: what?? they kill gulli-bull? bunny: aw, you didn't know? poor thing. come on, let's go eat some ice cream. vin diesel: ...ok...

2004-01-25 // 6:14 p.m. // bunny

	selli: (mumbles) but you said I could have a pony... joaquin phoenix: hush, love. go back to sleep. selli: (yawns) hey, what are you doing here? joaquin phoenix: all the other pancakes are sleeping. I was just making sure you didn't have any nightmares while they were gone. selli: aw, you're the best. joaquin phoenix: here, I'll pet your hair until you fall back asleep. selli: (snores)

2004-01-24 // 9:41 p.m. // selli

bunny: hibbidy jibbidy hoo! mathieu kassovitz: woah, someone's had a side of jittery this afternoon. bunny: I had a mountain dew. mathieu kassovitz: but I thought you weren't allowed to have caffeine anymore? bunny: honey, is "allow" really a word we want to be using around here? mathieu kassovitz: ok, but still. if one weren't in Utopia right now, would caffeine be verboten? bunny: (mumbles) mathieu kassovitz: what was that? bunny: yes. mathieu kassovitz: yes what? bunny: yes it would be verboten. mathieu kassovitz: that's what I thought. now let's never have to make me be all crotchety like that again. ooh, I know! we can be whimsical and wear christmas tree lights to the grocery store. bunny: awesome! whimsy and caffeine go great together. hibba jibobbity jiboo!

2004-01-23 // 3:26 p.m. // bunny

neil patrick harris: how are you feeling today, my little clam? selli: (completely buried in the bed) boooooo. neil patrick harris: and luckily for you I can fix that! selli: (peeks out) not another harris sex sandwich? I haven't taken my vitamins yet. neil patrick harris: nah. but I can either go outside and tell the weather to behave itself and be tropical enough for you to sunbathe -- or I can make you an omelette with that sharp cheddar cheese you're so fond of and we can cuddle in the bed and watch the first season of Six Feet Under. selli: that's the only good season! neil patrick harris: yeah, you really start to hate brenda after that. selli: I'll go with breakfast and morbid cable shows. neil patrick harris: excellent! selli: and don't forget the cuddles!

2004-01-23 // 10:41 a.m. // selli

rufus sewell: I cleared all the furniture out of the breakfast room and put a down comforter on the floor. the sun's been blasting through all the windows in there for a good three hours, so it should all be nice and toasty. bunny: are you thinking what I'm thinking? rufus sewell: that we'll lounge in the warm downy goodness? you betcha! bunny: and to think, I could be doing something ridiculous today, like working. rufus sewell: shut your mouth! I can't believe you even said that word. also, I shredded all those layouts in your room so I could have some kindling material. bunny: that's ok, I didn't want to look at those stupid layouts anyway. what do you need kindling for? rufus sewell: that monitor of yours that gave you headaches. I'm going to burn it alive later tonight. bunny: woo! punishment for the guilty!

2004-01-22 // 10:44 a.m. // bunny

	vin diesel: look how sexy my ass is! selli: I have to admit, that's one sexy ass. vin diesel: you want me to flex my muscles? there's got to be something heavy around her I can lift. selli: why don't you do push-ups while I sunbathe by the pool? that's a good use of your time and mine. vin diesel: I'll get the suntan oil!

2004-01-21 // 3:09 p.m. // selli

	selli: you know who I hate? people who don't shovel their sidewalks and then it's all icey and I almost kill myself. christian bale: well I have this snow shovel right here. selli: well, then, go take care of that. christian bale: right then. I'm off to beat your neighbors about the head and shoulders. selli: you'll have a hot toddy waiting, and probably a few hot kisses!

2004-01-20 // 7:18 p.m. // selli

	craig bierko: I think your hair looks pretty today. bunny: aw. I love you! craig bierko: should we go skinny dipping in the delightfully warm lake? all the stars are out, and I'll turn the stereo up loud so we can hear van morrison all the way out at the lake. bunny: I'll bring the towels! let's go!

2004-01-20 // 6:07 p.m. // bunny

mathieu kassovitz: hey, you left the house today! bunny: unwillingly. mathieu kassovitz: I thought that was the case, which is why, while you were gone, I built you this kite and made the weather be spring. bunny: oooh, a kite! can you teach me how to fly it in a carefree, fun, and slightly sexy fashion? mathieu kassovitz: mais oui, is there any other way? bunny: none that I want to know. let's get to flyin'!

2004-01-18 // 11:07 p.m. // bunny

selli: this is the best salad ever. you totally get a gold star. dominic west: brilliant! that's exactly what I wanted. I shall take this gold star down to Best Buy and trade it in for a dozen of your favorite DVDs. selli: I don't think it works like that... dominic west: nonsense! do you want DVDs? because this is your utopia, and if you want DVDs than I'll get you some DVDs. selli: can you pick up French Kiss? I wanna watch Kevin Kline be all foreign. dominic west: I'll put it on the list.

2004-01-19 // 1:11 p.m. // selli

selli: ow! christian bale: are you okay? here, lay down on the couch and use my manly torso as a pillow. selli: I stretched my neck the wrong way and now it's all wonky. I can't turn my head to the left! christian bale: then let me kiss the right side of your face. and then I'll give you a deep tissue massage, and then maybe we'll see if we can't find some stuff to make s'mores around here. selli: can we cuddle up under the blanket and watch Rushmore again? christian bale: twice, love.

2004-01-16 // 2:09 p.m. // selli

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