i ordered you a pancake

Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...

justin theroux: wake up, sleepyhead! selli: are you interrupting sleep? because we've already agreed that will result in fatal wounds. justin theroux: pshaw! you've been awake for the last hour and just won't get out of bed. it's a gorgeous day, and I have the urge to go to the beach and sunbathe. selli: but there's sand at the beach that will get all in my bathing suit and stuck in my hair, and the wind off the ocean is cold, and I would have to get up! (pulls covers over her head) justin theroux: yes, but I talked to that pervy sun and he promised to heat the water and land evenly so there would be no breeze. and this is utopia, so if you don't want sand in your pants, you won't get sand in your pants. selli: did you really just engineer the cessation of offshore breeze in utopia? justin theroux: to make you happy? you're damn skippy. selli: all right, find my bathing suit and I'll get out of bed. justin theroux: bathing suit?

2004-02-11 // 9:17 a.m. // selli

	bunny: what a blah day. jake gyllenhaal: look! I'm doing a dance to entertain you! wheeee! bunny: hee hee! are your limbs joined with metal brads? because it sure looks like they are. jake gyllenhaal: yes, they are. I was born without joints, and this is the best solution the doctors could come up with at the time. watch me dance! bunny: hee!

2004-02-10 // 2:13 p.m. // bunny

daniel day-lewis: I already scrubbed out your bathtub and covered every possible surface with candles, but I wanted to check with you first -- carnation bath bubbles or vanilla bath bubbles? bunny: hmm. you know, it's a good thing I have a college degree. I wouldn't be able to make these sorts of decisions without it! let's go with carnation this time, k? daniel day-lewis: classic! everything will be ready in about fifteen minutes, so if you want to take a quick cat nap. bunny: way ahead of you -- I'm already half-asleep.

2004-02-09 // 4:10 p.m. // bunny

selli: I hate you. hugh jackman: wait, why do you hate me? what did I do? selli: I hate that you asked me that. I hate puppies, especially cute ones. I hate ice cream. rrr. hugh jackman: I think someone's wearing their cranky-pants today. selli: gah! I hate the word "cranky-pants"! hugh jackman: why don't we just have some angry sex and work this bitchy streak out of you? selli: I hate angr -- wait, no, I actually like that. okay, one round of angry sex, and then I get to boss you around some more. hugh jackman: done and done.

2004-02-09 // 12:26 p.m. // selli

	bunny: man, this day is so lame. sean patrick flanery: not to worry! this day will end in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... it's tomorrow! would you like a good-morning kiss? bunny: amazing! how did you do that? and yes, please. sean patrick flanery: I cut a deal with the sun. it agreed to rise and set at your whim if I promised to get you sunbathing by the pool. also, the sun is kinda pervy.

2004-02-06 // 3:53 p.m. // bunny

gabriel byrne: what's this skillet doing in the sink? wait... did you have breakfast food for lunch?? bunny: maybe. kinda. nothing's wrong with having breakfast food at midnight! gabriel byrne: you had lunch at 11:30 a.m. how is that even close to having breakfast food at midnight? bunny: it was almost noon! (mumbles) and they both have twelves in them. gabriel byrne: if you weren't so lovely, you'd be extremely strange. bunny: let's not speak in hypotheticals. I am lovely, therefore I can have sausage links for lunch. and you'd better not bat an eye at me, mister! gabriel byrne: the next time you have a hankering for breakfast food at lunch, let me know. I'll make you a nice poached egg! bunny: ah. you are tricky! trying to make me sear off breakfast food for lunch. just for that -- scrambled eggs for a post-lunch snack! mwahahahaa!

2004-02-05 // 11:37 a.m. // bunny

selli: what crappy weather. why is it all rainy and freezing? sean patrick flanery: because it means you'll appreciate this steaming hot bath even more. now, take off those silly work clothes and get in there. selli: how in the world did you get all those bubbles to fit in the tub? sean patrick flanery: I think it might have been magic, but I was too busy thinking about you to really pay attention. now, climb on in here with me and I'll wash your hair for you. you just lay back and relax. selli: I think soapy cuddles might just be the best thing on earth. sean patrick flanery: close your eyes, love, it's time to rinse.

2004-02-04 // 2:04 p.m. // selli

matt damon: I looked at the weather report for today and it said "rain," so I bought you these kicky new rain boots. bunny: honey, these are waders. matt damon: to keep you dry! and look, they're yellow. kicky! sassy! bunny: shoes that reach my armpits are sassy? matt damon: (starts to cry) bunny: er, yeah! shoes that reach my armpits are sassy! let's go show 'em off! matt damon: yes! and don't forget your matching hat!

2004-02-04 // 7:44 a.m. // bunny

	selli: I think I should take up some sort of extreme sport. like skydiving or mountain climbing or bull riding or something. hugh jackman: how about extreme napping? followed by extreme croissants with cream cheese, and then some extreme making out? selli: ooooh, that sounds good. let's do that.

2004-02-02 // 3:52 p.m. // selli

	bunny: I have the worst headache in the entire world, ever. justin theroux: would you like me to turn off all the lights, dose you up with tylenol pm, and curl up with you in bed while you sleep off your awful headache? bunny: yes, absolutely. clothing optional. justin theroux: meaning that nakedness is required? bunny: well, duh!

2004-02-02 // 9:42 a.m. // bunny

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