i ordered you a pancake

Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...

	bunny: I feel squishy and delicious! I want to lie around all day and stretch like a cat. justin theroux: all that just because I fixed the hot water heater? bunny: yes. hot water is bliss. bliiiiiiiiss.

2004-02-20 // 8:47 a.m. // bunny

	selli: whatcha doing? hugh jackman: I'm brooding. selli: whatcha doing that for? hugh jackman: because brooding is manly. especially for me, as I am grizzled and especially manly. selli: (snorts) right. whatever you say, oz-boy. hugh jackman: hey! that's it, you're getting thrown in the pool... selli: high kicks! high kicks! hugh jackman: (splash)

2004-02-19 // 5:13 p.m. // selli

bunny: wanna hear some exciting news? gabriel byrne: absolutely, my dear. have you taken the day off work? that would be most exciting, as I would then get to spend the entire day with you. we could make scones! bunny: you are so close. I might get fired today! woo! gabriel byrne: preposterous! didn't one of the other fellows here already buy your work? bunny: oh. I don't know. you know I never pay attention to anything. which, ah, brings us back to the potential unemployment. gabriel byrne: you silly thing, you have nothing to worry about. if one of them didn't buy, then I will. either way, one of us is your boss, but then you're our boss, so there's no reason to think too hard about it. bunny: in that case, let's put chocolate chips in our scones.

2004-02-19 // 11:06 a.m. // bunny

bunny: even though I technically already took a lunch, can I take another lunch and leave early? jake gyllenhaal: no. bunny: what? why not? jake gyllenhaal: because I've already made all your work go away, and jonathan rhys-meyers is heating up your electric blanket. now let me walk you home. it's just around the corner. bunny: this is amazing. I thought this day would never end! jake gyllenhaal: if you're lucky, it won't ever end -- I've got plans for you!

2004-02-18 // 4:30 p.m. // bunny

selli: (bangs head against the desk) daniel day-lewis: what are you doing? stop... hey, stop that... no, now stop! selli: this work day won't end! I figure maybe if I bludgeon myself into unconscousness, maybe I won't have to deal with it anymore. daniel day-lewis: oh, you silly little git. here, come on. selli: where are we going? daniel day-lewis: home. selli: just like that? daniel day-lewis: this is your utopia, darling. if you want to go home and eat easy mac in your pajamas while we watch the black cauldron, then that's what we'll do. selli: is that what you want to do? daniel day-lewis: (glares) selli: all right, I'm going!

2004-02-18 // 3:53 p.m. // selli

	bunny: I've got sick people breath sean patrick flanery: me too. it doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you. bunny: not a bit! now get over here, you rhyming rascal...

2004-02-17 // 2:31 p.m. // bunny

matt damon: where have you been? I've been looking all over for you! selli: I went into the city with some friends. we saw a show! matt damon: and you didn't take a pancake with you?? what if something had happened, what if you couldn't get back here? selli: your worrying is kind of cute. you get that adorable little crinkle in your forehead. matt damon: I'm not cute, I'm mad! mad at you! selli: well then, maybe you should teach me a lesson. (leers) matt damon: urm. yes. yes! that's exactly what you need, missy, a lesson in manners! selli: rad! I'll get the blindfold!

2004-02-17 // 2:27 p.m. // selli

jake gyllenhaal: hey, I brought you some lunch. selli: awesome! I was just wondering how I was gonna get away from these spreadsheets. do you wanna sit in the conference room and eat with me? jake gyllenhaal: of course! I brought you grilled cheese sandwiches with avacado and tomato just like you usually make, plus some evian in that kickass little squirty bottle. selli: you realize that you're perfect, right? jake gyllenhaal: enough about me. how was your day? selli: well, I'm about to eat a delicious sandwich and then curl up with you on the lounge couch, so I'm thinking "pretty damn good."

2004-02-16 // 1:49 p.m. // selli

	justin theroux: boo! selli: what in alvin's name are you doing? justin theroux: it's friday the 13th! I'm being super spooky to celebrate. selli: if by "spooky" you mean "slightly retarded" then yes. you are. justin theroux: (wiggles fingers) oooooooh... selli: look! a black cat! justin theroux: where?!? selli: heh. too easy. justin theroux: that's it. tickle fight! selli: aaaaaaaargh!

2004-02-13 // 2:06 p.m. // selli

	daniel day-lewis: (making lots of racket) bunny: murfle. what the hell is going on? daniel day-lewis: didn't mean to wake you up, sorry! I was just putting up these NASA engineered sun-blocking curtains. I know how sometimes that pesky daylight will interrupt your naps and keep you from getting back to sleep. bunny: (mumble) it's true. the light, it's bad. sometimes. sleep. mnngh.

2004-02-13 // 9:07 a.m. // bunny

selli: I am this close to not asking what you're doing with that rolling cart. but really, I need to know. sean patrick flanery: matt damon was going to just pull out the stopper in a bathtub full of champagne. selli: (unholy scream of terror, performed mostly above the human range of hearing) sean patrick flanery: it's okay! I left him with bunny, who is even now making sure that he never tries to waste alcohol like that again. I put it all in those decorative buckets you got from the pottery barn, and now I'm going to use this handcart to roll all that champagne directly into your bedroom. selli: oh, thank god. wait, I need to catch my breath. sean patrick flanery: well you'd better catch it soon. I've got thirty gallons of champagne to lick off your body. selli: heh. I love thursdays! sean patrick flanery: what does thursday have to do with it? selli: I don't know... I was just... shut up and go get the champagne! sean patrick flanery: yes ma'am!

2004-02-12 // 12:31 p.m. // selli

matt damon: since we're so close to valentine's day, I thought I'd be super romantic, and I drew you a champagne bath. bunny: you want me to get in a tub full of champagne and just sit there? that's a horrible waste of good alcohol! that was very bad! matt damon: erm, ah... what if it was just a champagne-scented bubble bath? is that better? bunny: oh, much! that's very well done. matt damon: that's what I did, then. so come enjoy your bath! ...in about twenty minutes...

2004-02-12 // 9:00 a.m. // bunny

selli: look, I bought a curtain rod! gabriel byrne: and a most attractive curtain rod it is, too. selli: it's not the only attractive rod in here... (leers) gabriel byrne: naughty minx. here, give me your curtains and I'll make sure they get put up properly. selli: you'll put up my curtains for me? gabriel byrne: hell no. I'll get one of those other blokes to do it while I kiss you for a while. selli: how long is a while? gabriel byrne: until you get tired of it, darling. selli: rock!

2004-02-11 // 5:00 p.m. // selli

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