i ordered you a pancake

Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...

rufus sewell: let's go to atlantic city and gamble until we're too arsed to throw down another chip. doesn't that sound like fun? selli: it does, darling, but I don't have enough expendable cash. rufus sewell: lies! what about that chest full of gold dubloons in your bedroom? selli: what chest full of gold dubloons in my bedroom? rufus sewell: the chest full of gold dubloons I put in your bedroom in the hopes of encouraging you to commit heinous acts of avarice and debauchery. selli: oh, that chest of gold dubloons. yeah, I guess we can use that. rufus sewell: fucking right. I'll go put on my incredibly attractive suit so all the other women will be jealous of you. can you go tell the driver to pull the limo around? selli: I think I can handle that!

2004-04-22 // 2:08 p.m. // selli

	selli: mrruph. orlando bloom: hrrguah. wha? selli: nhh. ira kraff. orlando bloom: uhm. wait, wha? selli: meh! orlando bloom: oh, right. coffee. I'll be right back, you stay in bed. selli: well, doy.

2004-04-21 // 9:45 a.m. // selli

paul rudd: lunch is ready, babe. I made a nice watermelon gazpacho to eat by the pool. selli: have I told you lately that you're my favorite pancake? paul rudd: don't worry, I won't tell the other boys. now finish up that daquiri so you can turn over onto your back. we want to keep that tan nice and even, right? selli: mmmmyes. how many daquiris have I had? paul rudd: one less than you should, baby. selli: hey, you said that last time! paul rudd: was I wrong last time? selli: um. no? paul rudd: no. so roll on over and I'll mix another drink.

2004-04-20 // 3:30 p.m. // selli

christian bale: okay, that was totally unfair. selli: what? you seem happy enough. I'll have to tuck these sheets back under, though. christian bale: no, dirty girl, I mean the fact that both you and bunny were gone for so long! selli: oh, that. well, the weather was nice. we went out for salads and sunshine. christian bale: and you couldn't take a pancake boy with you? shame on you, leaving us all here to our own devices. selli: hey, sometimes girls just have to share a latte and shop our asses off. did you do anything productive with your time? christian bale: we all reinacted School Ties completely naked and videotaped it. I left a copy the VCR downstairs. selli: all the way downstairs? meh. let's just reinact that shower scene right here. but without the punching, just the wrestling. christian bale: I'm gonna school you, baby. selli: bring it, bale.

2004-04-19 // 3:32 p.m. // selli

selli: did you do this? jonathan rhys-meyers: do what? selli: make it all sunny and wonderful outside? jonathan rhys-meyers: oh. yes. yes, that was me. selli: thanks! you really know how to make a girl happy. jonathan rhys-meyers: thanks, love. I do my best. by the way, those are some fantastically sexy jeans you've got on today. selli: you think so? I like them too. you want to take them off me? (leers) jonathan rhys-meyers: you'd bloody well bet I do!

2004-04-16 // 2:31 p.m. // selli

rufus sewell: you! have been missing! for days! bunny: huh? no I haven't. I've been by the pool. check out the tan lines. rufus sewell: no! I was looking for you. I have new shoes and wanted you to see them. and I also wanted to clean your apartment, but I couldn't find you to make sure it was ok. bunny: first, it's always ok to clean my apartment. you've really grown as a folder of towels since that first time that we don't talk about. second, tan lines! look! rufus sewell: but, you don't have any. you're white as a sheet! bunny: I know, isn't it awesome? I can sit in the sun all day and never have to slather on sunblock or worry about burning. let's go celebrate! rufus sewell: rock, it's makeout time!

2004-04-16 // 9:09 a.m. // bunny

rufus sewell: so what do you want for breakfast? selli: rrr. no more food. I ate way too much yesterday. rufus sewell: oh, pish. just one little plate of lasagna? selli: nuh-uh. rufus sewell: how about some of these delicious sweet potatoes? or stuffed mushrooms? I know you've a fancy for those... selli: dammit, you temptation-filled thing! I said that no more will fit in my tummy, and I spoke the truth! rufus sewell: I guess I'll just have to eat these chocolate-covered strawberries all by myself. selli: don't jump to conclusions there, m'boy. I forgot about this hollow leg. gimmie.

2004-04-12 // 4:28 p.m. // selli

paul rudd: why the long face? you know those aren't allowed here! you might get (horrified) expression lines! bunny: because I tried to make sangria pops, but the popsicle sticks won't stay in. jerks. paul rudd: that's just not possible. this is utopia, after all! hang on, I'm going to check the freezer. bunny: (waits. and grumbles.) paul rudd: the freezer must have been finicky this morning. I've had a talk with it. and look! a right working sangria pop! bunny: woo! alcoholic dessert treats for breakfast! also, what's this about expression lines? paul rudd: nothing. hey, you've got a nice sweater on today... bunny: diversions won't work on me! paul rudd: let's get rid of that pesky sweater, shall we? bunny: expression whats?

2004-04-12 // 10:23 a.m. // bunny

	easter bunny suit: rah! selli: eek! scary homicidal rabbit monster! michael vartan: it's just me. boy, you looked scared! ha ha! selli: yeah, that was really funny. so is this. (kicks) michael vartan: (high-pitched squeal) selli: now, gimmie that bunny suit. I'm gonna go scare the crap out of rufus sewell! michael vartan: eeee...

2004-04-09 // 11:57 a.m. // selli

selli: it's spring! it's finally spring, all warm and balmy and sunny and deliciously non-freezing! joaquin pheonix: isn't this great? I set up the lounge chair next to the pool and made you a pitcher of icy mango daquiris. want me to help you change into your shorts and tank top? selli: hush, darling, cabana boys aren't supposed to talk. joaquin pheonix: oh, right. well, can they cuddle? selli: that's not in the rulebook, but I guess I'll allow it. but just don't get between me and any sunbeams. joaquin pheonix: no way. you can just curl up on my chest and take a sunshine-filled nap. selli: then I don't even have to change out of my jammies! excellent. joaquin pheonix: and I get to pet your hair... this is the most perfect day ever! selli: (snores)

2004-04-08 // 1:06 p.m. // selli

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