i ordered you a pancake

Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...

(somewhere on the French coast) neil patrick harris: would you like another truffle? selli: neil, where did you come from? what happened to rufus? neil patrick harris: kitten, I invented the Space-Time Continuum Machine. I just replaced him with myself so I could enjoy the lovely Mediterranean weather with you. selli: you're absolutely devious, you know that? neil patrick harris: yes. my next evil plan is to kiss you for about three hours and then let you fall asleep in my arms. selli: dastardly. get over here.

2003-08-19 // 3:50 p.m. // selli

christian bale: leave that silly "work" business to someone else, bunny. I'd have jonathan rhys-meyers take care of it for you, but he's still sleeping off what you did last night. bunny: yeah, but he's sleeping with a smile on his face. christian bale: I'm just jealous. you know how I am. it would make me feel much better if you'd let me massage your hands. and then maybe your feet, because you know what that leads to... bunny: how about just the hands, and some ice cream? christian bale: done and done. we're out of hershey's chocolate syrup (pointed look) so you just take a nap while I run to the store and pick some up.

2003-08-19 // 10:42 a.m. // bunny

rufus: selli, my love, I know that you're very nervous about today, so I've packed your bags and booked us a trip to the Cote d'Azure. I remember how much you love the beach. selli: but it's only tuesday. what about my job tomorrow? rufus: neil patrick harris used his Mensa intellect to invent a Space-Time Continuum Machine that will allow us to spend the week basking in the sands and still be back in time for coffee. now, I think it's a good idea if I go ahead and rub you down with cocoa butter so your delicately pale skin doesn't burn. selli: but I still have eight hours until... oh. oh, yes, okay. if you insist.

2003-08-19 // 9:46 a.m. // selli

jonathan rhys-meyers: "...Whatever dies was not mixed equally; if our two loves be one, or thou an I love so alike that none do slacken, none can die." bunny: I had no idea you'd memorized so many of john donne's poems. jonathan rhys-meyers: I also know your favorite pablo neruda poems. "...at night, when I sleep enormous, within your small hands." bunny: isn't it funny, then, that I have small hands and you � oh, my god. you are enormous! jonathan rhys-meyers: I was moved. bunny: you're a cheeky boy! and, ah, ought to be punished as such. jonathan rhys-meyers: "I want to eat your skin like a whole almond..." bunny: hush, don't bite me there. oh. carry on, then.

2003-08-18 // 9:27 p.m. // bunny

kassovitz: J'avais pens� � vous toute la journ�e tandis que vous travailliez. Je souhaite que vous pourriez rester ici toute la journ�e, ainsi nous pourrions discuter la philosophie plus d�taill�e. J'ai �t� des Mills de lecture et ai voulu obtenir votre prendre les diff�rences entre les plaisirs intellectuels et physiques. Peut-�tre un essai des deux ? Nous pourrions commencer par �tudier les travaux de Tom Stoppard, et continuons une nuit de l'amour passionn�. selli: I got the l'amour passionn� part. let's do that. kassovitz: Oui. Pourquoi pas le recite de I ce que j'ai appris ainsi vous peut-il continuer � �couter mes mots fran�ais sexy?

2003-08-18 // 4:36 p.m. // selli

christian bale: good morning, bunny. I know you didn't sleep well last night because you saw that freddy movie, so I've brought you hot cocoa to drink while I rub your back and sing "sante fe" to you. bunny: I'd really rather not go to sleep. I have a lot of work to do and need to get up and get to it, but I'm just so tired. it's like I have no energy! christian bale: let jonathan rhys-meyers see to all that pesky "work" business. you can just relax... but if you really want a burst of energy, I have an idea for a workout that just might do the trick... bunny: bring it on, bale.

2003-08-18 // 9:05 a.m. // bunny

joaquin: i've made the bed for bunny, and in my zeal and love for you both i washed all your dishes, gave your cat a bath, and am now prepared to spend the next hour giving you a massage. would you like the peach body oil or the chamomile? selli: peach, please. do we still have the oversized extra-soft towels? joaquin: jonathan rhys-meyers did all the laundry yesterday! i wanted to, but i was too busy planning your surprise... (enter gabriel byrne with a copy of "twelfth night") gabriel: i brought something to read while you are gently kneaded by joaquin's beautiful hands. it is my goal for you to explode with happiness. selli: happy to oblige you in your endeavors.

2003-08-16 // 11:47 a.m. // selli

bunny: (comes stumbling in, rip-roaring drunk) mathieu kassovitz: you're back! (jumps up excitedly and carries bunny to the sofa) you rest here, I'm going to get you a glass of water, some asprin, and a sandwich. joaquin phoenix is putting those new t-shirt sheets on your bed, and while you're eating a turkey sandwich with extra pickles, I'm going to wash your hair. bunny: (mumbles something incoherent) mathieu kassovitz: you're the best!

2003-08-16 // 1:17 a.m. // bunny

selli: no electricity! that means we're trapped in my dark, dark apartment with vodka that will soon get warm if we don't drink it. craig bierko: but darling, this is Pancake Utopia. there are no blackouts in a perfect world. but if you'd like, I can turn off the lights and bring you a martini, and we will curl up in the darkness and see just how refined my sense of touch is. selli: apple martini. let me get the lightswitch. craig bierko: no, no. let me.

2003-08-15 // 4:07 p.m. // selli

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