pancake

i ordered you a pancake

Pancake Utopia? One regular day at work, two normal, healthy women were using IM as a lifeline, complaining about this and that to make the day a little easier to get through. They talked about eating breakfast for dinner, avoiding stupid boys, and never having to work again. Then they realized that a land of pancakes, idealized boys, and easy living would be utopia. Pancake utopia. So they left for this crazy, lovely pancake land, never to return. But every once in awhile, we get a report from that great beyond...


bunny: I really don't feel like doing anything today.

vin diesel: then don't. have cupcakes instead.

bunny: ooh, tempting. but I have all these... obligations and... commitments and stuff I have to... do.

vin diesel: you are especially petulant today.

bunny: it's what I do best.

vin diesel: well, I'm a big, burly guy. why don't I go out and track down those obligations, commitments, and stuff and beat the crap out of them so they can never bother you again?

bunny: I think you should do just that.

vin diesel: and you'll nap and have cupcakes?

bunny: you betcha. now hup to!

2005-09-14 // 9:17 a.m. // bunny


selli: *cough hack cough and other gross noises*

paul rudd: it sounds like you need an afternoon of lounging in the meadow. I hear that copious amounts of sunlight can bake a cold right out of your lungs!

selli: I wonder if it'll work on the plague. because that's what I've got.

paul rudd: well, since I haven't seen you petting any rats lately, I'm gonna have to disagree with that diagnosis. I believe what you have is known in the medical community as "the crud". it's all very technical.

selli: it sounds deeply complicated, doctor rudd. I hope that "piping hot soup" is one of the prescriptions?

paul rudd: ah, so you've done your homework. very good! I'll have the soup brought out to the meadow.

selli: what, you're not going to cook it?

paul rudd: no, I'm going to carry you out there. and probably a blanket. or if you like, I can have neil patrick harris bring the soup out. he's not a doctor, but he played one on t.v.

selli: hardee-har-har. and no, thank you. he thinks everything can be cured with a prolonged shag.

paul rudd: can't it?

selli: not when I've got a sinus headache! first the soup and decongestants, then the shag!

paul rudd: I'll have to put that in my medical book.

2005-09-13 // 1:54 p.m. // selli


bunny: woe!

sean patrick flannery: what's wrong?

bunny: I can't spell. something's wrong with me! my brain isn't put together right!

sean patrick flannery: don't be ridiculous. let me see what you're writing.

bunny: ok, but no mocking allowed.

sean patrick flannery: ... ... ... "imprnt metgnig tmmorww"?

bunny: I was in a rush. my cursive is very flowy. shut up!

sean patrick flannery: hey, I'm not here to blame. I had no problem reading about your metgnig.

bunny: my flaws have come to light at last. I feel so exposed.

sean patrick flannery: I think it's charming that your handwriting is closely related to a cardiogram readout. truly, I do. I adore you as much now as I did yesterday and I will tmmorww.

2005-09-12 // 6:57 p.m. // bunny


gabriel byrne: you look hungry. would you like some of this delicious watermelon?

selli: how did you know?

gabriel byrne: well, I try and make sure you take care of yourself, so I make craig bierko sit in the corner with a notepad and record everything you do.

selli: okay... that's kind of creepy.

gabriel byrne: I'm kidding. I knew because your tummy was grumbling so loudly I heard it from the living room.

selli: oh! well, that's better then.

gabriel byrne: so are you going to eat this?

selli: yes, mister pushy-pants! jeez!

gabriel byrne: are you quite done with your little snit? I was planning on petting your hair for an hour or two while I read Jane Eyre to you, but I'd rather wait until you aren't so snappy.

selli: hey wait a minute. this is my utopia. you can't make me be nice!

gabriel byrne: well, if I'm being difficult and forcing you to behave, then it's obviously because you want to be forced to behave, otherwise it wouldn't be happening. because, as you said, this is your utopia.

selli: it's logical, yet it makes no sense. how do you do that?

gabriel byrne: years of practice. do you want a fork or shall you eat it with your fingers?

selli: fingers, please.

2005-09-09 // 4:24 p.m. // selli


bunny: guess what today is!

daniel day-lewis: wednesday?

bunny: wow, so wrong. it's thursday. and that's not what I meant.

daniel day-lewis: clearly, this is not a day for giving you a hard time is it?

bunny: I could turn that into something bawdy, but I'm impatient to get on with the specialness of today.

daniel day-lewis: right. what's today?

bunny: it's sewing day!

daniel day-lewis: how...exciting?

bunny: my windows need curtains super bad. and you, lucky dog, get to make them. I've got a couple of fabric stores for you to try, and the sewing kit is over there.

daniel day-lewis: you know I sew the straightest seam of anyone here, don't you?

bunny: which is why you were chosen. I know all. now hup to, and when you're done we can have cake.

daniel day-lewis: fantastic!

2005-09-08 // 3:36 p.m. // bunny


bunny: I am made of lethargy. I think instead of bits of water and carbon and so on, I am constructed of molecules of sleepiness.

christian bale: then it's not your fault that you overslept today, is it?

bunny: I suppose not...

christian bale: you can't fight your nature.

bunny: nor can I fight your logic. I should really be getting back in bed.

christian bale: do you think any of your molecules are made of hot dirty sexin'?

bunny: let's find out. science project!

2005-09-07 // 12:38 p.m. // bunny


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